How many fortunes are there in the world? What is the probability of getting one of these fortunes once or more than once? How do you compute the probability of getting one fortune or another? How are fortune cookie cookies synchronistic or are they? Since we starting keeping our fortunes in the kitchen, I am beginning to believe in kitchen gods: what is the probability that the kitchen door to the basement pops open because a spirit is either coming or going… Could kitchen gods be the cause of the telephone ringing, even when there is no one at the other end of the line?

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1 All the answers you need are right there in front of you! (r)

2 A merry heart does good like a medicine. (b)

3 A journey must begin with a single step. (r)

4 A surprise treat awaits you. (b)

5 A wise man knows everything a shrewd one, everybody. (b)

6 A wish will be granted after a long delay. (blue)

7 Beauty in its various forms appeals to you. (b)

8 Be what you wish others to become. (r)

9 Confucius say: show-off always shown up in showdown. (b)

10 Do not be drawn into a conflict—remain neutral. (b)

11 Do not mistake temptation for opportunity. (r)

12 Don’t put off till tomorrow what can be enjoyed today. (r)

13 Getting together with old friends brings new adventures. (r)

14 Golden hours are coming to you.(b)

15 Good news of a long-awaited event will arrive soon. (blue)

16 Good things are being said about you. (grey)

17 Good to begin well, better to end well. (r)

18 Hard times will only sharpen the blade of your intellect. (grey)

19 Haste does not bring success. (r)

20 If a true sense of value is to be yours it must come through service. (r)

21 In god we trust all; all others must pay cash. (b)

22 In love you could shine as a brilliant star. (blue)

23 In youth and beauty, wisdom is rare. (b)

24 It is very possible that you will achieve greatness in your lifetime. (blue)

25 Keep your plans secret for now. (b)

26 Many a false step is made by standing still. (r)

27 Many questions are unanswerable. Many answers are questionable. (r)

28 May you have a good appetite. (b)

29 May you have great luck. (r)

30 Nature, time and patience are the three great healers. (r)

31 Next full moon brings enchanting evening. (blue)

32 Now is the time to try something new. (r)

33 Only the prepared speaker deserves to be confident. (blue)

34 Our first and last love is…self-love. (b)

35 Put the data you have uncovered to beneficial use. ®

36 Rely on your own good judgment to lead you to success. (b)

37 Relax and enjoy yourself. (r)

38 Rest has a peaceful effect on your physical and emotional health. (r)

39 Serious trouble will pass you by. (r)

40 Share your happiness with others today. (b)

41 Someone is speaking well of you. (b)

42 Someone is speaking well of you. (b) repeat

43 Some chances of glamour and excitement are coming to you. (blue)

44 There is a prospect of a thrilling time ahead for you. (b)

45 There are big changes for you but you will be happy. (blue)

46 There are many unexpected & thrilling surprises in store for you! (r)

47 The gift without the giver is bare. (blue)

48 There’s a good chance of a romantic encounter soon. (r)

49 There is no wisdom greater than kindness. (r)

50 We all smile in the same language. (b)

51 Wisdom is only found in truth. (b)

52 You are a traveler at heart. There will be many journeys. ®

53 You are broad minded and socially active. (b)

54 You are contemplative and analytical by nature. (b)

55 You are faithful in the execution of any public trust. (b)

56 You are generous to an extreme and always think of the other fellow (b)

57 You are gifted in many ways. (b)

58 You are heading for a land of sunshine. (r)

59 You are never selfish with your advice or your help. (r)

60 You are the center of every group’s attention. (b)

61 You’re transforming yourself into someone who is certain to succeed. (r)

62 You are very expressive and positive in word, act and feeling. (b)

63 Your example will inspire others. (r)

64 Your good deeds are never forgotten. (r)

65 Your many talents attract others, so be sure to use them. (r)

66 Your place in the path of life is in the driver’s seat. (b)

67 Your sense of humor reveals itself at just the right tims! (blue)

68 You have an unusual equipment for success, use it properly.

69 You have so much to be thankful for. (b)

70 You have tasted the bitterness as well as the sweetness of coffee. (r)

71 You have the rare ability to recognize ability in others. ®

72 You lead a useful life no matter what riches are coming to you. (b)

73 You like participating in competitive sports. (b)

74 You make people realize that there exist other beauties in the world. (r)

75 You may attend a party where strange customs prevail. (b)

76 You may attend a party where strange customs prevail. (b) repeat

77 You will be singled out for promotion. (b)

78 You will be showered with good luck. (blue)

79 You will be successful in your work. (b)

80 You will always be surrounded by comfort. (blue)

81 You will be showered with good luck. (b) repeat

82 You will enjoy good health, you will be surrounded by luxury. (r)

83 You will have a fine capacity for the enjoyment of life. (b)

84 You will have a long and wealthy life. (b)

85 You will have a very pleasant experience. (blue)

86 You will have gold pieces by the bushel. (b)

87 You will have gold pieces by the bushel. (b) repeat

88 You will move to a wonderful new home within the year. (r)

89 You will sleep well at night. (b)

90 You will soon be crossing the great waters. (b)

91 You will spend old age in comfort and material wealth. (b)

“Pooh” to any “Humbugs!”

Q: Which reminds me, what is a “beetling shop,” such as the kind mentioned in Stave 4 of A Christmas Carol? Also, I found a reference to the main character, by the rag pickers as “screw,” and Ebenezer, of course, is Scrooge. Are these parallel names coincidental? Is the title, “The Turn of The Screw,” by Henry James, an allusion to A Christmas Carol, by Dickens?

Q: What is my blog about, anyway?

Is it a narcissistic rendering by a sole human? Or is it an interactive, amorphic, unexpected, and practically unedited, global communication.

Q: Why am I starting a blog?

I need an outlet to show my creations. I like to write, I like to read, and I need an inspiring community to help me navigate our new world, at e-speed, with Taoist accuracy and American Indian spirituality.

Q: What needs to be written about?

Periodicals, like newspapers, comics, and later, magazines, excite me. The slick feel of the paper and the authenticity of the new stories seem proven once printed as words and pictures. I remember when I was 16, I opened the pages of the new magazine, Ms., to be excited for all the usual reasons. I liked magazines. As a 10-year-old, I had bought teen magazines about t.v. and rock stars. In 1964 or so, I found and bought a pamphlet about my favorite Beatle, or so I thought. When I arrived at the neighborhood newsstand, at the 72^nd Street subway station, in 1964 or so, I searched four glossy pamphlets to find my favorite Beatle: I had to pick one although I could not distinguish one Beatle from another. “Is this Paul?” “Is this John?” “Who are the other guys?” “Which one is Ringo?” “Where’s George Harrison?”

Before I was devoted to Ms. Magazine, with sophisticated editors and writers like Gloria Steinem and Colette, I had learned the delights of periodicals. Even today, I enjoy a good Wonder Woman story, to help me visualize power, justice, and compassion. Greetings to all women (and men) who appreciate wonder!

Once Europeans started to settle on the Atlantic coast, people continued to arrive from all over the world. From a colonial society speaking English, the new society grew another sort of English, to become what we know of as contemporary American English, with words arriving through languages such as the Dutch, from which we get “boss,” and “coleslaw;” while French brings us “cent,” and “chowder;” not to forget the German, “delicatessen,” and “pretzel;” while we remember our Italian, “espresso,” and “pizza;” and there is the Spanish, “canyon,” and “plaza;” as well as the Yiddish, for “kosher,” and “scram.” These are just a few of the many examples in The English Language, by David Crystal, the BBC Radio presenter of English Now. Eventually, the American English, experience would add its own floavor to the incredibly flexible English with words such as “congress,” “popcorn,”, and “prairie”, and expressions such as “bite the dust,” “bury the hatchet,” and “face the music.”

As a distinct variety of English, American English has developed character and vocabulary from additional linguistic influences, such as the art, civilization, language, and worldview of the inhabitants of the geographical region later named the United States of America. In 1900, 1925, or 1950, an immigrant would stop first at Ellis Island, a tiny isle off the larger island of Manhattan. From Manhattan, the immigrant might imagine a new life in Chippewa Falls, the Kaw Valley, or perhaps, in Shawnee, Kansas. From the Shoshone, we have the name, “Idaho,” meaning “light on the mountains,” while the Iroquois name, “Kentucky,” means “meadow land.” The Chippewa named Michigan, or “big water,” while the Iroquois named “Ohio,” meaning “beautiful water,” while “Oklahoma,” is the Choctaw for “red people.” In addition to place names, American English has adopted other words and phrases from Indian languages, including “moccasin,” “opossum,” “papoose,” “pow-wow,” “raccoon,” “skunk,” and “wigwam.” What Indian names are part of American English and life?

We preserve our culture, from Native American Chippewa to the British New York, by the proper names that persist over generations. These proper names identify us, not only publicly, but to ourselves, privately and personally. Our language reflects its broad roots. Even as I write, cultures are contributing sounds and words. American English, then, is not merely a degenerate British, but perhaps an enriched one, fortified by words, expressions, pronunciations, gestures, and usage of other lands and languages. The language bubbles over in the cities, where cultures flow from harbor to home. From our nation’s beginnings, ports received visitors and linguistic contributions, customs, rhythms, and words, from all over the world. People from Africa brought words and music, stamping American English as a unique brand of English. J.L. Dillard, in All-American English, argues that it is the linguistic contributions from African Americans that create the oldest continuous form of American English. We know about great musical geniuses, such as Billie Holliday, or Fats Waller, as well as the gospel singers who grace our lives. But what do we know about the oldest distinctively American form of English? Musicians can play the “banjo,” and the cooks need some “bananas,” “gumbo,” and “yams,” for the menu. What would American English be without its amazingly diverse ingredients? Where would our language be without “all that jazz?”

Questions for the Reader

1. Does your family speak American English?
2. 2. Is American English your first language?
3. What are some differences between British English and American English?
4. 4. Name three countries, besides the United States, Canada, and English, where the spoken or official language is English.
5. What are five familiar words contributed by the American Indian art, culture language, or worldview?

When you find you haven’t any ready-made puzzles available, consider creating your own, such as from a word list you need to study, or from a word list you find or build yourself, such as a vocabulary list from A Christmas Carol.
Here is an example of a funny cryptogram, a cryptogram being a short statement, often a quote or aphorism, that needs decrypting, in this case a quote from John Steinbeck:
WUBYN YAB VWSB AYRRWGN. PTE IBG Y LTEOVB YCU
VBYAC QTX GT QYCUVB GQBJ,
YCU OABGGP NTTC PTE
QYZB Y UTFBC. –HTQC NGBWCRBLS

A quote with an author can give you insight into the substitution letters. In the example, if we decide that –HTQC refers to “John,” we could then substitute the appropriate letters throughout the encoded passage, leading to more insights. As Mr. Kennedy writes in his book, Funny Cryptograms, laughter is “…like internal jogging; it increases the heartbeat, brings in oxygen, and stimulates circulation.” (Kennedy 4). He elaborates that laughter helps us to relax, makes us feel better, and “it allows us to maintain a positive attitude when we’re faced with all of life’s little challenges.” (Kennedy 4).

I like Kennedy’s explanation of solving a cryptogram. First, the word, “cryptogram” refers to a hidden (crypto-) written message (gram). The original message is the “plain text” while the coded message is the “cipher text.” The original quotation, the plain text, has had its letters replaced by other letters to form the puzzle.

For example, here is the cryptogram and cipher text:
EZCRYPTR SCM EXCQ, where the original letters in the message were the following: “Laughing out loud.” As you can see, each “C” in the cryptogram stands for “u,” while each “x” stands for “o.” (Kennedy 4)

He offers us three more hints to help us solve these puzzles, such as
1. First, the letter in the cryptogram must be different from the original letter;
2. Second, a one-letter word is easy to solve, since it must be an “A” or an “I;”
3. Third, it helps to look for prepositions such as “of,” “or,” “is,” “at,” “to,” and the like. The word “that” can be easy to spot as it begins and ends with the same letter. Locating “that” can also reveal where “the” might be lurking. Other words to watch for include “did,” “going,” “never,” “little,” and “people.” (Kennedy 5)

Cryptogram 1
WUBYN YAB VWSB AYRRWGN. PTE IBG Y LTEOVB GQBJ, YCU OABGGP NTTC PTE QYZB Y UTFBC. – HTQC NGWCRBLS

Cryptogram 2
F CVTOY OCPL VODCWSZ CXSEW LFV HZOQOZODPOV QSZ WLO HZOVFYODPM, CDY DFDOWM-VFA VODCWSZV OCPL ZOPOFROY SDO RSWO. –BS LD Q. TODDOYM

Solution to Cryptogram 1
Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to
handle them and pretty soon you have a dozen. – John Steinbeck
(12 Kennedy)

Solution to Cryptogram 2
I asked each senator about his preferences for the presidency
and ninety-six senators each received one vote. –John F. Kennedy

Work Cited
Kennedy, Shawn. Funny Cryptograms. New York: Sterling Publishing. 2003.

This list of more than 101 cliches provides a treasure of clichés (a.k.a. “adages,” “aphorisms,” “bon mots,” “maxims,” “proverbs,” and “wise sayings”) you may find useful as you search for a filler in your conversation that sounds great at the time yet means much less later on. Nevertheless, such a list is quite useful for us to identify these worn out phrases and weed them out, if at all possible. Which of these cliches have you used? What cliches do you use? Which cliches reflect an American geographical region? Which cliche would you like to use?

Writers find it a rather enjoyable game to turn a cliche into a more personal phrase. For example, it is hardly necessary to say every “Tom, Dick, and Harry,” when we could say, “Every Madonna, Cher, and Britney.”

The list below are cliches collected by E101 at Summit Technology Academy, Longview Community College on September 29, 2006. For this project, lexicographic e-research was completed by class participants. Researchers are cited for each entry: AJ = AJ Stevens, AM = Abby Masters, CL = Connor Laird, CO = Cory O’Banion, GB = George Bray, JW = Josh Walton , KD= Kinzie Doll, KF = Keith Fahrenholz, MH = Matt Harrison , MW = Matt Waight , SK = Scott Kaeding , TB = Todd Bartel.

1. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush (AJ)

2. A day late and a dollar short (CO)

3. A face only a mother could love (AM)

4. A faint heart never a true love know (AM)

5. A few fries short of a happy mean (AM)

6. A fool and his money are soon parted (GB)

7. A lot of empty flattery (AM)

8. Add insult to injury (CO)

9. After the rain comes a rainbow (AM)

10. Ain’t that pot calling the kettle black (AM)

11. All good things come to those that wait (JW)

12. All the world’s a stage (AM)

13. All-out war (RC)

14. Always a bridesmaid never a bride (AM)

15. An elephant never forgets. (MH)

16. At least it was a very interesting experience (JW)

17. Avoid like the plague (CO)

18. Be careful what you wish for (AJ)

19. Beat a dead horse (GB)

20. Beauty is only a light switch away (CO)

21. Beauty is only skin deep (AJ)

22. Beef: It’s what’s for dinner (RC)

23. Behind the clouds, the sun is shining (JW)

24. Beware of Greeks bearing gifts (CO)

25. Bottomless pit (KF)

26. Bottoms up (KF)

27. Break a leg. (AMC)

28. By the skin of the teeth (CO)

29. DEE DEE DEE! A joke made famous by comedian Carlos Mencia. A jab at ignorant people (CL)

30. Dirty dog (GB)

31. Dog eat dog (GB)

32. Doing stupid things is my way of making my life interesting (TB)

33. Don’t count your chickens before they hatch. (AMC)

34. Don’t get your undies in a bundle (MW).

35. Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining (MW)

36. Don’t piss off the alligator until you’ve crossed the river (STK)

37. Don’t rock the boat (AJ)

38. Don’t get mad, get even (RC)

39. Don’t go away mad. Just go away (RC)

40. Easy as pie (AMC)

41. Eat and run (KD)

42. Every cloud has a silver lining (AJ)

43. Every dog has his day (GB)

44. Every rose has its thorn (JW)

45. Every Tom, Dick and Harry (KF)

46. Face the music (GB)

47. Forgive and forget. (AMC)

48. From the bottom of my heart (KF)

49. Get to the bottom of it (KF)

50. Give space to time, and time will fill space (JW)

51. Happy as a clam (KD)

52. Happy camper(RC)

53. HAX! HAX!- Hacker, to accuse someone of “hacking” (cheating) (CL)

54. Here today and gone tomorrow (KF)

55. Hit the ground running (KD)

56. Hit the nail on the head (GB)

57. Hit the spot (GB)

58. How do you like them apples? (STK)

59. I did not inhale (CL)

60. I need your help like I need termites on a raft drifting downstream (STK)

61. Idle hands are the Devil’s workshop (CO)

62. If all else fails, manipulate the data (JW)

63. If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success (TB)

64. If nothing else, I can always serve as a bad example (TB)

65. If you always do what you always have done, you’ll only have what you have now (TB)

66. If you cant beat’em, join’em (MW)

67. If you can’t dazzle them with your brilliance, baffle them with your bullshit (TB)

68. If you expect to soar with the eagles during the day, you can’t hoot with the owls at night (STK)

69. In the doghouse (GB)

70. It’s raining cats and dogs”(CL)

71. It’s the thought that counts (AJ)

72. It’s just the tip of the iceberg (AJ)

73. It’s not weather you win or lose it how you play the game (AJ)

74. Lady Luck was smiling on me (MH)

75. Leave well enough alone. (AMC)

76. Let sleeping dogs lie. (AMC)

77.              Life is a bowl of cherries (MH)

78. Life is a series of disappointments, followed by death (TB)

79. Life is tough and then you die (CO)

80. Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans (KD)

81. Life is what you make it (STK)

82. Life sucks, and then you die (TB)

83. Life wasn’t meant to be easy (KD)

84. Live and let live (AMC)

85. lol. Noob - Laugh out loud. Newby- to call someone a novice at something (CL)

86. Love is blind (AM)

87. Making a bad decision is better than making no decision at all (TB)

88. Money doesn’t grow on trees (GB)

89. Money is the root of all evil (MW)

90. Money talks (KD)

91. Monkey business (GB)

92. Monkey see, monkey do (GB)

93. More power to you (STK)

94. Movies the start with “A long time ago” (CL)

95. Music to my ears (GB)

96. My two cents (CL)

97. Needle in a haystack (MH)

98. Nervous as a shrew (MH)

99.             Never look back (MH)

100. No guts, no glory (AJ)

101. No pain, no gain (AJ)

102. Of course life is hard, that’s why they pay you the big bucks (JW)

103. Old customs die hard (KF)

104. One for the road (CO)

105. Only time will tell (MW)

106. Pain is nature’s way of telling you that you are still alive (TB)

107. Parting is such sweet sorrow (AJ)

108. Put a tiger in your tank (STK)

109. Put your money where your mouth is (GB)

110. Raining cats and dogs (GB)

111. Rake over the coals (RC)

112. Read between the lines (CO)

113. Revenge is sweet (RC)

114. Rye on wheat (CL)

115. Shake it off (AM)

116. Sharp as a basketball (RC)

117. Sharpest tool in the shed (KD)

118. She wears her heart on her sleeve (AM)

119. She’s fighting a losing battle (AM)

120. Sick as a dog (GB)

121. Smart cookie (KD)

122. Solid as a rock (MH)

123. Stories that start with “once upon a time” (CL)

124. Straight from the horse’s mouth (GB)

125. That’s the way the cookie crumbles (CL)

126. The bottom line (KF)

127. The light at the end of the tunnel (MW)

128. The lights are on but nobody’s home (AJ)

129. The love of money is the root of evil (KD)

130. The more things change, the more they stay the same (TB)

131. The one who makes no mistakes does none of the work (JW)

132. The road to success is always under construction (TB)

133. The truth is just as meaningful as the lie (TB)

134. There is harmony in disharmony (RC)

135. Thorn in the side (MH)

136. Three reasons to be a teacher- June, July, and August (RC)

137. Time is a cure (JW)

138. Time is money (GB)

139. To go postal (MW)

140. Today is the first day of the rest of your life (AM)

141. Tomorrow is another day (KF)

142. Too little too late (AM)

143. Truth is nothing but a feeling that something is true (TB)

144. Up a creek without a paddle (GB)

145. Vote with your feet (STK)

146. What you see is what you get (AM)

147. When push comes to shove (AM)

148. Winning isn’t everything (AJ)

149. With heart and soul (MH)

150. Worked night and day (MH)

151. Worked to death (GB)

152. You are a loser when you fail to try (MW)

153. You can bet your bottom dollar (KF)

154. You can choose your friends and you can chose your enemies, but you can’t choose family (STK)

155. You can fool some of the people all of the time, and you can fool all of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time - Abraham Lincoln (STK)

156. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink (GB)

157. You can’t buy happiness (GB)

158. You can’t make orange juice out of lemons (KD)

159. You can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube (MW)

160. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks (GB)

161. You have to break a few eggs to make an omelet (AJ)

162. You’ll know it when you see it (AM)

163. Your mother was a thief - she stole the stars in heaven and put ‘em into your eyes (STK)

164. Zero is sometimes better than nothing (JW)

Resources
http://.Clichésite.com

http://.westegg.com/cliche

http://utopia.knoware.nl/~sybev/cliche/